Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
