Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
