i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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