I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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