I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
