I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She needs sedatives and a leash
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
