the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
