So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
