Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
