you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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