i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Are my feet made of real feet?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Panties = found
Randomize
