I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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