3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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