i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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