He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
