The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
