evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
