I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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