omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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