I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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