Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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