True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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