this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
