I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
