Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
