I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
