Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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