I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
