I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
