it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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