So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
