Nicole vs. Life
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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