dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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