btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
