She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
