Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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