is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
