I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
