If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
