Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
