And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
