dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
