hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
