The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
