i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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