a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
