so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
