Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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