Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
