Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
