thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
