We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
