I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
