I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
