I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just high enough for therapy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
