yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
