i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
