are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont even know how to be here
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
